Beaverifesto

So I've been thinking that the time has come for me to put out my manifesto to the world. I guess it would be a beaverifesto because I'm not technically a man…but the idea of the festo bit is the same.

My Beaverifesto – by Pelt the Beaver

Sometimes the world is a hard place to live. When it gets tough, these are a few things that might help you carry on.

1. Unleash Your Inner Beaver

I know that sounds like a hard thing to do – but physically speaking, it's actually quite easy. Being that I am already a beaver, I have it easier than most….but this activity is something that I heartily recommend. It's as relaxing as Yoga – just with a lot more deep breathing.

2. Chew Gum

It takes your mind off chewing trees – and it's not nearly as addictive.

More to follow in the coming days…keep watching this spot

Chewing in the Wind

It has come to my knowledge that the only one who ever reads this blog is me. That's not all bad because that way I can keep updated on what I'm doing.

But originally, this blog was meant to be for you - my fans. Where are you all? Whatever it is you guys are doing...I'm sure it's fun. I bet you're out at the beach or the movies....or dancing in thong bikinis at a barbecue somewhere exotic - like Colorado....or Texas. Yup...my fan base are a bunch of cool people, who do cool and exciting things. I am a lucky beaver to have such a hip fans, who are too busy to read my blog. My invitation to the barbecue must have got lost in the mail.

It's during quiet moments like these that I miss Quillette. At least I know it's safe for me to write that here 'cause no-one will ever read it and tell Kat. Kat gets mad when I mention Quillette. She gets especially mad if I say I miss Quillette...which I happened to mention in passing one day by mistake. "Pass the salt please, Kat.....I miss Quillette." As you might imagine....we ate that particular meal in frosty silence.

Scar-Faced Beaver

I’m happy to report that my cat wounds are healing….although the doctor says I will carry these scars on my face for the rest of my life. But it’s OK because I’ve heard that some people like scars. I could use it to promote the Bed & Breakfast.

“Come to the Bed & Breakfast! Have a good night’s rest and see the Scar-Faced Beaver.”

Hard Gum

Last night I fell asleep chewing gum in front of the TV. I woke up this morning with the hardened gum- stuck to my face. While I was still blinking the sleep out of my eyes, Kat (my new girlfriend) sprang into action, and with a piercing screech she scratched the wad of gum off with her claws. Of course she pulled off a patch of fur along with the gum…so now I have a bald patch along with several deep cat scratches down my face.

But it’s OK – I didn’t lose much blood. A pint at the most.

Kat says she’ll cover the scratches up with some dark brown eye-shadow and no-one will be the wiser. She’s a very knowledgeable cat.

Pelt the Beaver - A thought or two....

Hello...

Today I thought I'd share my thought with you - you being the world at large. I like addressing you like you're just one....even though you're millions. How are you doing? I'm asking because I care...not just because I'm being polite....even though I am a polite beaver.

Here's my thought:

Imagine how many people are out there chewing gum right now while I'm here poking at the keyboard with my claw.

It boggles a beaver's mind.